I haven't wrote in a while, and although I know that can lose followers - this blog is for me mainly to express myself through a different form.
In 6 months I'll be 20 years old, and it's come to that point where people from High School are adding me on Facebook, even those who used to torment and hate me. If you know me, or if you are a frequent reader of my blog you know I had a rough time during the final year of High School. However, this is now just under 4 years ago - I have grown up. I add those who send me friend requests, mainly to show them how great I'm doing after the torment they consistently gave me.
Although, out of all these people, which there are many - only one had the decency to apologise. And that's who this post is dedicated to:
Imagine two naive and young 15/16 year old girls - closer than friends but not best friends. One of these girls has a mental illness, and the other is beginning to develop one. You'd think this would bring them closer? No. It tore them apart. Limb from limb.
Believe it or not, mental illness wasn't as 'out there' 4 years ago as it is now, and the fact is - young teenagers can be cruel and sick.
So here's the facts to this: I was the girl developing a mental illness. When I found out one of my closest friends had returned from a psychiatric hospital, I was immediately there, and I was worried and upset for her. However, things began to change, and I felt like this girl was out to get me - I began to self harm, she took it as attention-seeking or trying to take the piss out of her. I tried to over-dose, she took it as I tried to copy her. I'll never forget coming home one day from school with her ringing me in tears "Stop doing everything, this is my life, I can't get away from it and you can, it's not fair" I felt everything I was doing was wrong, soon more things would come out for example, a blog-post and a story I wrote a while ago that I posted online. Eventually, it came to shouting and screaming before and after class, our parents were played against each other by the teachers each telling us we were being bullied. I removed myself from my Form at this point, and I wouldn't even go out at dinner or break. It then got bigger, as more people got involved, taunting us against each other. Bare in mind, we were two girls who made a pact to be 'Theatre Buddy's" from Year 9 - things got nasty. And with us both trying to overcome self harm, and different mental illnesses, it got harder and harder. It turned to our Mum's being at war, all eyes were on us everyday to see what drama would unfold next. We had the same boy playing us against each other, we were fighting each other when in fact we should have been fighting everyone around us.
Obviously, when High School ended - this eventually stopped. I next saw this girl, as the Theatre Freaks we are - we joined the same Theatre Summer School. That's where we really made amends, where we came together. It's also the very first time, her Mum had spoke to me since the incident, and the same with my Nan. Then, later, she wrote a seriously heart-warming blog-post apologising to me and explaining and uncovering the fact that some very vindictive people, decided to create their entertainment with out lives. We will never be able to relive that year, and we'll probably never be able to forget it either but I have strength in saying - both of us came out stronger.
My point is forgiveness is what got this girl and I to realise where the lies and torment were coming from. We learnt to forgive each other, and forgive ourselves for our own actions. Alternatively though, most people deserve forgiveness, and some people don't - and realising who is who, takes you a long way throughout your life.
And what do I have to say to this girl now? Well she's not a girl, and turns 19 next month - she's an inspiring young woman with a heart of gold. All I have to say is: I'm Sorry myself, what happened between us shouldn't have, and I forgive you!x
