My Goals

My apologies for the long delay in writing to you all, I have been so stuck on what to write. At one point I was debating whether to write a blog-post on how to have a poo in a public toilet without anybody realizing. But, yeah, I'm not going to do that, so here we are - I decided to write a post on my goals for the next two years. Basically the few years I have left in Bolton before hopefully I'm off to University after my gap year.

1. Finish reading The Bride of Lammermoor, Nightmare Abbey and Wuthering Heights

2. Do A LOT more charity work for an array of charities

3. Pass my A Levels with the grades I need, to get into University

4. To judge a pageant, it would be a great opportunity to choose a representative for a title.

5. Travel to many places JUST in the UK

6. Learn how to cook

7. Achieve a title important to me

8. Discover more TFP opportunities

9. Raise more awareness for Self Harm and Mental Health

10. Save up for my ultimate dream dress

11. Travel abroad in Europe

12. Enter a second Miss England North West heat

13. Raise awareness of the true meaning of pageantry

14. Write an entire novel

15. Win a TV competition

16. Do a charity skydive, or compete in something extreme

17. Have my first tattoo

18. Be able to do a perfect french plait

19. To support all religions in their charity fundraisers

20. To become an independent loving & caring young role model.

I will keep you all update on my attempts to achieve everyone of these goals, you'll know if I am attempting to achieve one as I will title the post with the number and the goal.

Wish me Good Luck!

50 Shades of Grey (Spoilers..sort of)

When it came to reading the 50 shades trilogy, I was quite late in considering a lot of people had already bought and read the first book. I bought it after the commotion it created even had a 1 hour documentary created about it, I am not one for erotica novels - I'm one of those who prefer the likes of The Scarlet Letter or Wuthering Heights. However, I believe that behind the erotica genre of 50 Shades of Grey, there is such a special love story, and as soon as I heard there was a film to be created I have to admit I panicked. I thought the film would focus on the sexual areas of the novel, not the beautiful story itself. The reviews of the film have been quite bad and that significantly put me off watching the film - as I thought could these reviewers have read the book? And after finding 'The Twilight Saga' more interesting as a novel rather than a film - I was afraid. However, I took a leap of faith and watched it, I have read all three books and think very passionately about them and about E.L. James, the story is so intense.

They kept the film quite tightly to the book, I felt like I was reading it again as they hadn't changed much of the language - I was anticipating for Anastasia to ask the question "Are you gay?" it was one of my favourite parts of the book.

That brings me on to Dakota Johnson. When I first heard she'd be playing Anastasia Steele, I was actually annoyed, this book was a world wide phenomenon - there would be so many characters more suitable. However, after seeing the film - I was quite astonished. She was perfect in my opinion, her cheekiness yet innocence is perfectly portrayed! People comment on how emotionless she seems, but I don't agree with that. Anastasia Steele isn't meant to be this bundle of emotion, she's meant to represent the average girl, and you cannot say that every second of the day you are smiling or frowning - 85% of the day you will probably have a straight face. Another fact is when she does display emotion, it is at the right moments. Her delight in the helicopter and her dismay and hurt at the end of the film - it contrasts so beautifully!

Jamie Dornan? First impression: who is he? Never heard of him? Originally I was routing for Ian Sommerhalder to play the part of the mysterious Christian Grey. Then this random person popped up, none of the magazine articles had predicted him in their 'perfect Anna and Christian' and when the film began I was annoyed because I didn't feel he was hot enough for the role. But then something happened which made me realise, Christian Grey isn't suppose to be your typical pretty boy - he is dark and mysterious, he will bring you in. Which he did. Charismatically, he was also perfect. Especially at showing that although he is this 'sex tyrant' that he has had a bad past and it has reflected his future. His emotion at the end was on point! You saw him throughout the movie change towards Anna, you actually saw him fall in love! And when he punished at Anna at the end, his face said it all - he was actually killing himself by doing this.

The ending. A lot of people told me they hated the ending, so my initial reaction was "Have they changed it" "Is it now a soppy happy ever after" but the ending was the same as the book. Which I think the book needs, in real life - a relationship with this type of man would never be perfect all the way through, in any relationship someone will always cross the line. Someone will always get hurt and in a lot of cases one person will always make the fast decision to leave. This brings me back to the point that this book is trying to make a realistic story with fantastical pleasure. We are meant to relate to Anastasia! Christian on the other hand, the choice is yours! Are we meant to hate him? Or are we meant to love him as it isn't his fault he is the way he is? Christian Grey is our 21st century Heathcliff.

I very much enjoyed the film, the soundtrack is unbelievable featuring songs for all different types of people!

If it's coming from me, I would recommend you to watch the film - that's my opinion because I found it entertaining and it is definitely a pleaser to me!  

Don't be afraid of the dark!

Good Evening,

The other night I overcame something rather quickly: my fear of the dark.

How?

Well generally our fear of the dark is the fact that we often create sounds and images in our heads that create even more fear. The slightest sound, we will here because our minds are looking out for things when in fact a million twigs probably crack or shuffle noises occur every hour. It's just because at night we are more inclined to listen out for these things.

My worse fear is walking home in the dark, until I found something that helped me cope. When walking home, walk in a fast but steady pace and actually count your steps either in your head or out loud. Due to the fact your mind is concentrating on counting it won't listen out for things that would usually make us scared and the more you count the closer you are to home.

My house is literally 3mins from the bus stop, and I have used this trick so much without realising - I just thought I was weird haha!

But seriously, try it - you'll understand what I mean!

Good night Lovelies!

https://www.facebook.com/nicolejadelake?pnref=story

I also have my own facebook page, to keep you updated with new posts! Hey scroll down the page, you may find your name on one post!

https://www.facebook.com/nicolejadelake?pnref=story

Here I am.

Hello Readers,

I have many new views since my pageantry journey and this post is simply dedicated to what I have overcome these past few years.

If you read my earliest posts, I had a lot of problems with self-harm and also eating which lead to depression - and this was due to bullying from which started in Reception over my skin colour - being told I was adopted because my family members were white. You can imagine a 6 year-old being told that, it obviously broke me from a young age. I had a few more taunts in Primary School about my colour, then about my weight. High School wasn't much easier - I was called fat then when I lost a significant amount of weight - I was called too skinny, and I probably ended High School worse than when I started. Due to unfortunate events, I was entering college with social anxiety, with STILL a high problem of self harm and found myself spending breaks and dinners away from everyone else - either going home or staying in the toilets. It was a genuine knock on my confidence, and I didn't feel like I could finish college let alone lead on to University.

But, now I don't see this as a significant weakness - it has become my strength. I literally took a deep breath and rethought about everything. As I would tell someone suffering the same, you can get the best help in the world but at the end of the day - it's all down to you and how you think! I came out of my problems with just one visit to the college counselor. Don't get me wrong, I could have recovered a lot sooner if I had gotten more help but it all still depended on me.

However, look at me now? I haven't self-harmed in over a year, I have started talking to people and making more friends at College, I participated in my first pageant: Miss Bolton and Bury 2015 and although my Eco Dress began to fall apart and my dress wouldn't stay up - I did my ultimate best and made my family and friends proud!

I am living proof it gets better.

So please I urge you, if you are struggling at the moment - IT WON'T ALWAYS BE THAT WAY! Take a leap of faith!

I am always available to chat or talk about my experience, just contact me on: Nicolejade96@hotmail.co.uk !

All my love always!

Photo by Hayley Taylor