I have many new views since my pageantry journey and this post is simply dedicated to what I have overcome these past few years.
If you read my earliest posts, I had a lot of problems with self-harm and also eating which lead to depression - and this was due to bullying from which started in Reception over my skin colour - being told I was adopted because my family members were white. You can imagine a 6 year-old being told that, it obviously broke me from a young age. I had a few more taunts in Primary School about my colour, then about my weight. High School wasn't much easier - I was called fat then when I lost a significant amount of weight - I was called too skinny, and I probably ended High School worse than when I started. Due to unfortunate events, I was entering college with social anxiety, with STILL a high problem of self harm and found myself spending breaks and dinners away from everyone else - either going home or staying in the toilets. It was a genuine knock on my confidence, and I didn't feel like I could finish college let alone lead on to University.
But, now I don't see this as a significant weakness - it has become my strength. I literally took a deep breath and rethought about everything. As I would tell someone suffering the same, you can get the best help in the world but at the end of the day - it's all down to you and how you think! I came out of my problems with just one visit to the college counselor. Don't get me wrong, I could have recovered a lot sooner if I had gotten more help but it all still depended on me.
However, look at me now? I haven't self-harmed in over a year, I have started talking to people and making more friends at College, I participated in my first pageant: Miss Bolton and Bury 2015 and although my Eco Dress began to fall apart and my dress wouldn't stay up - I did my ultimate best and made my family and friends proud!
I am living proof it gets better.
So please I urge you, if you are struggling at the moment - IT WON'T ALWAYS BE THAT WAY! Take a leap of faith!
I am always available to chat or talk about my experience, just contact me on: Nicolejade96@hotmail.co.uk !
All my love always!
Photo by Hayley Taylor
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